Surviving (and thriving!) in a challenging time
Reaching middle-age presents one of life’s great dichotomies. We all want to get older — in other words, keep on living. But along with aging come changes to our outer shells that, for some, present an image that doesn’t match what’s inside. A 98-year-old woman recently told me that she still felt like she was in her forties. Until she looked in the mirror.
Gen-Xers and even some millennials are discovering the wisdom of asking someone younger to move furniture to spare their aching backs. But it’s not all doom and middle-aged spread. For many, this time in our lives also brings a greater sense of confidence, partly because we’ve accomplished goals in our careers and created families we are proud of.
Seniors no longer make up the largest cohort of Canadians. Now it’s those in the middle, roughly between the ages of 40 and 55.
HORMONES and HEALTH
This is the big one for middle-aged females. Perimenopause and menopause run on their own timeline that’s different for every woman. Hormonal changes can lead to weight gain, hot flashes that hit like being thrown into a furnace, mood swings, brain fog — discomforts that appear suddenly and are definitely unwelcome.
Carolyn B says bringing her family in on the condition has helped her cope. The 54-year-old married mother of two adult children is a busy talent acquisition manager for a transportation company. She explains that she’s open about what she’s experiencing.
“They want to know what’s going on. Why is Mom suddenly wearing a battery-powered fan around her neck? I’ll explain why I can’t find words instead of leaving people wondering. I call it meno-brain. People seem to be okay with baby-brain (when they’re pregnant) so why not?”
Women no longer have to endure these natural phases of life in silence. Modern and ancient medicines have several ways of reducing and possibly eliminating symptoms. Ask your health practitioner for help.
Many women are frustrated by sudden weight gain. It’s driven by a complex interplay of circumstances, according to Dr. Sasha High, Internal Medicine & Obesity Medicine Physician, Founder of the High Metabolic Clinic.
“Declining estrogen levels not only affect fat distribution, leading to increased abdominal and visceral fat storage,” says Dr. High, “but also contribute to lowering muscle mass and increased cardiovascular risk. There is also an increase in insulin resistance. Together, these factors make it easier to gain weight.”
Dr. High says traditional weight-loss strategies don’t address the root causes.
“It’s not just about the number on the scale,” explains Dr. High. “It’s about overall health, strength, and resilience. Shifting the focus to building and maintaining muscle, stabilizing blood sugar, minimizing alcohol and managing stress can transform how they feel — not just how they look.”
Award-winning fitness professional Mo Hagan agrees that strength training and building muscle are important, especially at this time of life.
“Strength training is the secret weapon for women in middle age — not just for building muscle, but for building confidence, independence and vitality that lasts a lifetime.”
Hagan, COO of canfitpro, says the first step is the most important. Although gym intimidation is real for some women starting a new fitness regime, Hagan says it can be overcome.
“Strength training is the secret weapon for women in middle age — not just for building muscle, but for building confidence, independence and vitality that lasts a lifetime.”
“Even as a veteran fitness professional I felt intimidated to go into the gym and lift heavy weights”, says Hagan. “But with the help of a personal trainer I have gained the confidence to pick up heavier weights. I encourage all women to lift weights at minimum two times per week, on top of their other fitness activities.”
Hagan also recommends yoga, Pilates, light weights or a resistance class, online or in person.
Always talk to your doctor before beginning any new physical regimen.
SKIN AND APPEARANCE
In a society that seems focused on youth and beauty, it can be troubling to notice the beginnings of wrinkly skin and dark spots known colloquially as “age” spots. Facial plastic surgeon Dr. Corey Moore says about half of his patients fall into the middle-aged cohort. Dr. Moore is Medical Director at the Woodfield Centre for Facial Plastic and Cosmetic Surgery in London. He says people in mid-life come to him mainly to restore the look of their past selves.
“Most patients in this middle age category are interested in age rejuvenation procedures or at the very least age preventative maintenance procedures which tend to be non-surgical: Botox, chemical peels, general skin care.”
Injectable fillers can plump up lips and fill in wrinkles, among other things. Among those who opt for surgery, Dr. Moore explains, the eyes have it.
“Eyelid surgery — blepharoplasty. Upper eyelid surgery is the most common for hooded upper eyelids. Lower eyelid surgery is also common.”
The global anti-aging market is growing dramatically and is expected to be worth $2.29 billion by 2032. The messaging of social media influencers combined with genuine science-based advancements in skin care are fuelling the rise.
FAMILY DYNAMICS
Elizabeth Fox knows all about being part of the Sandwich Generation. Fox is a physiotherapist with a special interest in vestibular rehab. With kids still at home and aging parents needing extra attention, she was “sandwiched” between the conflicting demands of caring for both generations of dependents.
But as her children graduated high school and became more self-reliant, she shifted her focus.
“The priority up until this point has been others, sometimes necessarily so,” recalls Fox. “But once the kids are a little more independent, there’s time to reconnect with your husband, get into an exercise program more consistently. You know the buzzword, ‘selfcare’.”
And if you’re without a partner and would like one, there’s literally an app for that.
WORK
Hungry younger colleagues openly vie for your job and make cracks about when you’ll retire. There’s ambition and then there’s ageism. But you might not even care. This is also a time when more mature women are stepping into their power and making career choices that benefit themselves.
“Fifty used to be thought of as the end of the road”, says Fox. “Now, it’s possible to reinvent yourself at fifty. I made the decision to have agency over my own practice and my own work.”
Canadian government data show the likelihood of becoming self-employed rises with age. “Your tolerance for nonsense is diminished,” says Fox.
SPIRITUALITY and MORALITY
For some, like Reverend Doctor Valerie Kenyon, middle age is time to stop procrastinating.
“Mid-life is when there’s a sense of urgency, they say. I remember at the time my children had graduated and I was freer to come and go. It seemed like, if you’re going to do something, do it now, because if you wait five years, it would be too late. But it’s never too late. Anything is possible. Except maybe to get into the Olympics.”
Rev. Dr. Kenyon says this time of life is “a gift.” It’s an opportunity to gain a sense of our own mortality and to use that to put our priorities into sharper focus, not overwhelm us.
“We can live the best possible life [through] the whole mindfulness movement and being conscious of where you are in time and space — we make each day more valuable.”
A pucker here, a chin hair there — the fact is, this is a special time of a woman’s life that’s denied to many. She comes into her own and stops wasting time. She puts her energy into what truly matters. After all, our greatest achievements are reflected in the eyes of the two and four-legged creatures we love, not in the waistband size of our jeans.
